Did you know there is a stark difference between being a peacemaker and a peacekeeper? Which one are you?
Peacemakers are not those who quietly avoid conflict and temporarily keep the peace. They are those who courageously stand for what is right, drawing dividing lines between themselves and others who contradict it. They are not afraid of what others think of them and aren’t looking to be liked by everyone. Peacemakers are often called the “black sheep” of the family because they stand against dysfunctional family dynamics, step out of the mold they were raised in, and seek higher, better ways of living and relating to others. They also exhort others to do the same.
Celebrate Recovery (CR) echoes the truths behind “blessed are the peacemakers” in their curriculum, which is where I became familiar with it. As a rough and tumble child churned out of a dysfunctional, emotionally immature family, I had a burning need inside me to be different — to have a family one day that was different. I wanted to operate out of wisdom and godliness, not ignorance and sin. I wanted my family to enjoy time together and look at our home as a safe place, instead of turning to escape it every chance they had. I longed for order in the chaos that I had been handed in my childhood. One night, in a large group, I began to embrace the truth of peacemaking from a like-minded cadre of rough and tumble truth-seekers.
“Blessed are the peacemakers” is reflected in the eighth CR principle, which is derived from the beatitudes in the Sermon on the Mount. (Matthew 5:9) “It emphasizes the importance of actively working towards peace and reconciliation, echoing God’s love and healing in relationships, and being uncompromising when it comes to godly truth and health,” shared our large group leader. She read from the 12 Steps — which all had correlating Scriptures — and prayer followed. That’s where I began thinking to myself that maybe the division I had been experiencing with my family wasn’t because I was the problem as they always claimed. Maybe it was because I was standing for truth and encouraging better behavior, which they were rejecting. Ultimately, I was learning about God’s ways and seeking Him in my life where I was powerless to change my turbulent circumstances. Whenever I started saying “no” to certain mistreatment or wrongdoing, division naturally appeared. As I set boundaries for how I would allow others to interact with me, they would quip back and say that “you pushed us away.” The more I wanted for myself and my future, the fewer friends I seemed to have around me walking into the light of truth. Yet I began to find my identity and deep encouragement in Matthew 5:9-12 (ESV).
“Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”
It felt awful to be in the center of all the drama I was facing with my own parents, my in-laws and my husband. But looking back, there was unbearable toxicity in my family and the friction led to the cutting of ties which led me to where I am today — living free from many of those codependent, abusive and manipulative connections. As I matured, I held to the truth that being a peacemaker was not the same as keeping quiet and going with the flow as a peacekeeper. I didn’t want to sleep anymore — I wanted to break free. I had to be willing to fight to MAKE that happen with God’s help.
Being different from the world and worldly people around us is counter cultural and certainly counterintuitive. We become the weird ones. We embrace misunderstood ideas. We embody God’s ways through His strength. When this happens, the world rejects us because they reject the Father. “If the world hates you, you know that it hated Me before it hated you.” (John 15:18, ESV)
When I would start to listen to the enemy’s lie that I was “the problem,” I would recall the nature of Christ’s coming — the core foundation of why Jesus came to this earth. These shocking verses cut right to the depth of our being — our very humanity. Jesus boldly declared the following:
“Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.” (Matthew 10:34-37, NKJV)
We are told by our Creator God that we are to value His ways above our own parents, children or most loved dear ones. We are to stand with Christ, even if it means severing relationships with those living outside of God. Being hated for following Christ or living in His ways may be the price of our discipleship. What good would it do to gain the whole world and lose our souls, though? In so doing, we find our lives in return for having given them up to Jesus Christ. We can find hope in James 1:2 (NKJV) which exclaims, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials … .”
We find peace and joy when we bravely follow Christ and forsake the world.
Peacemakers are not peacekeepers! What are some of the unintended consequences of trying to keep peace while living in a godless family, work culture or society?
When we LIVE in the truth of the Kingdom, that God has made peace with us and accepts us unconditionally in Christ as His children, how does that reset our attitudes toward family or cultural dysfunction?
Why do you think Jesus says that peacemakers will be called “sons” or “children” of God?